Reminiscing Home

Here I am again struggling to write something for today's post. And looking back I get the same predicament time and again. It's not that I don't have anything to write about I just feel that with all the myriad of ideas in my mind right now I couldn't decide which is which, where and how to begin.

But, let me just start by saying "I miss home" just as the saying goes "home is where the heart is..." And lately I have been fantasizing about what to do when I get back home. I miss my dogs and I miss my orchids. And I miss my friends as well. I just wonder how are they doing... I miss going out to town and eat in one of my favorite restaurants. I miss the busy traffic of Session Rd. I miss cruising in the evening till the wee hours of dawn at BP, I miss the over-crowded public market. I miss the cool crisp air in the morning and evenings. I miss so many things about home and I wish I could go back.

What do you miss about home?

My Secret Hideaway

Come...








And take a peek...








At the secret hideaway...






I seek...








Here I can finally find peace.

"Cast Away"

I am not an avid movie goer nor read short stories and novels for that matter. But today's post reminds me of the character played by Tom Hanks in the film Cast Away about a modern day Robinson Crusoe, a FedEx employee who was stranded on an uninhabited island after his plane went down over the South Pacific. And I'm sure many are familiar on how the story went in the film.

Similarly, my life is characterized by the same uninhabited island which I created to isolate myself with the world and with the human race. This is only the best solution I can think of with all the pain and suffering, injustice and inequality and all of the smorgasbord of good and bad in this world which you can imagine. And to most of us who has experienced "bad hair days" one may think that life is unfair. But that's how the way things work survival to the fittest. And that's where one can truly appreciate and understand the true beauty of life. Its real beauty lies in its "ugliness" and the many contradictions it has to offer to mankind. And it is not ours to judge; life's unending play of contradictions simply reminds us that we are part of the bigger picture of an unending story.

Just like in the film Cast Away there is no time to wallow in misery and loss. We simply have to keep going and move on.

Picture courtesy of http://www.worldisround.com

Birthday cake

What makes every cake special? And whats your favorite cake? Obviously, today's post has something to do with cakes because I'm a big fan of cakes more so with rich, dark, moist and creamy chocolate cakes.

Food has always been one of the pleasures I have. When I'm depressed I eat it out literally. The reason for this is I find reassurance and happiness with good food.

But today, opportunity came knocking on my doorstep I have been asked to bake a cake with someone special, someone close to my heart. For tomorrow it's going to be his 28th birthday. Yes! he's going to be, one year more older, one year more mature and one year more wiser. Preparing all the ingredients and baking the cake from start to finish made my day special. Not only that I have to spend more time to someone close to me but also I learned something more. I learned that having patience can go a long way and in the end you can reap the benefits of your hard work.

Red Rose

What better way to say "I love you"

Than a single red rose for my only "You"

Today I am meeting with you

For the simplest reason... "I miss you"

Now I ask you..."Did you miss me too?"

















Image courtesy of http://clipguide.com/

Shout!

I want to shout!

And I want to scream with all my heart out!

I want to break free!

Wouldn't You agree?

I don't want to shut up

And dawdle around no more

Coz' I'm not a tramp

And please don't say that anymore!

I want to cry!

But it seems I cannot

I can't stop wonder and ask

When did it all dry out?

I don't want to stop!

And neither to sit or look back

Looking at the clock

It doesn't move back

I want to be happy!

But it seems I'm not lucky

Give me some money

So I can throw it all away!

Spare me your pity

But I dont need that anyway!

It' just a kind gesture

To make you go away.

Blog Comment for Davey - Conspiracy

Life is full of secrets more so with the universe. The things that we cannot understand we tag it as a “conspiracy.” It is full of uncertainties but then again on a positive note, this is where the endless possibility begin. I myself feels that the universe is conspiring against me. I ask the question “why” to the point I have reached my paranoia. I guess its not ours to rationalize why things happen the way they come to be. But its the way the universe telling us to “stop, look and listen.” To open our eyes to a new level of perspective in life.

I am the creator and destroyer of my self and my world.

Just Another Bad Dream

Today, how I wish I'd never waken up from my sleep. This may come as a surprise to most people but I really do. I find peace and solace when I'm sleeping. Free from all the worries, pain, suffering and all the bad things life can throw back at you. My head hurts with all the thinking and worrying I have to do but I get relief whenever I close my eyes. And that's one reason why I don't want waking up. I know for sure that sleeping it out is not the most practical answer to all the problems I have but its the only commodity and resource I have at the moment. Better than drugs and alcohol I suppose?

Looking at my life at present I could certainly say that its comparable to a bad dream. A dream that wont let up from all the ghostly realities of life. My existence in this world is characterized by the dark and dull, empty and null, waning and lost. It is sick and repugnant. I want to break free from it all. Its a struggle getting over it even more. The only consolation I get is for me to wish and wake up to something reassuring and calming. And glad that it was just a bad dream.

I yearn that I was still a child free of all the worries of this world. Enjoying life as it unfolds before me. But alas, gone are those days. I am too familiar about the uncertainty of what life has to offer for me today. And even though I see most of it as a ghastly dream. There is still hope for a beautiful day ahead. I may not be certain when it will come, but I just pray that it will come soon before I drown in this loathsome and ghostly dream, my pathetic life.

A Little Patience Goes a Long Way

As I write this post I cant help myself to think of the things that made my day special from the rest. Specially so that the days end draws near. The feeling that I have as I think of what to write is like scouring through a vast ocean in search of the most treasured of all treasures. It demands a great deal of self reflection and meditation to arrive at the goal I wish to attain. But nonetheless, I hope that I will discover what made my day different. That beneath the predictable events of my daily routine lies a jewel so precious that its one of a kind.

Today, I learned to be more patient, to be enduring and to "longsuffer." Its not a surprise that with the fast paced life that we have today people loose their patience. We live in an "instant" world an easy world. We are more inclined to instant gratification than waiting. People's fuses becomes shorter and shorter everyday. And that's where the problem comes in. We should take time to smell the flowers in the garden, cook for someone special at the end of the day and enjoy each other's company and spend more quality time with your family. And you'll be surprised how a small amount of patience can go a long way. Learn to ride and flow with patience and you will then be able to enter into a much more restful and peaceful state within your mind and emotions.

And so I leave this question: "What made your day special today?" If you happen to read this post. Please feel free to share what a marvelous day you have today.

Sunday Post - Better Late than Sorry

I certainly don't want to miss adding posts everyday for my blog. And I know this is a day late and I don't want to make any excuses for this either except to apply the adage "better late than sorry..."

Sunday's post is something out of the ordinary for me. For the past few weeks I have been on the balance beam somewhere between pessimism and optimism at the same time. But with the latter on the winning end. It has been a personal struggle of longing, hurting, waiting and anticipation for better things to come. But some how with all the negativity going on around, I'm still hopeful. Its just a question of having the proper perspective to see things in a better light. And all the notion of things possessing endless possibility has changed all this. And now even if I feel a little of uncertainty. I know things can change because of the endless possibility it can offer.

And now, I'm looking forward to see everyday in a new and positive perspective just as it should be.

EMPTY BOWLS

After taking a partime job for a local events and catering service on friday and saturday. The task on friday was a waitering job for a church dinner event with an expected 350 persons. But it turned out not all came for the dinner organized by the church organizers. And this may not come as a surprise to many because it seems now a days more and more people do not go to church anymore. And I, for one is among the many. They are simply not interested.

With the quantity of food prepared one would ask what to do with the leftovers. And this to me is a moral quandary. Specially now a days that there are people who work hard just to have food on the table. And taking into consideration with the rising cost of food. With this in mind, food is something not to be wasted.

Looking at the faces of the organizers, I saw in their eyes that they too came unprepared. No spare plastic bags for take out or styro packs to put excess food. What's even more shocking is the fact that the headwaiter instructed us to throw the rest of the food away, all of it including those still in untouched. I didn't know what to think then. I tried to rationalize that the instruction given has a good excuse. But to no avail, there's no good reason to throw good food away unless it is spoiled. Its just sad to think that food, good enough to eat is maliciously thrown in the garbage bin. At that point, I said to myself " see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil" only God knows what we did.

A Brand New Day

Today I start a new part time job. I'm getting a little excited and a bit weary as to what the outcome would be. I prepared the things I need for this particular job just like a school boy preparing for his first day in school.

In my anticipation. I can't stop thinking and make assumptions. Just as I have been doing everyday. But indeed yet again, I know for certain that this will be a day of endless possibility. Anything can happen. And so in consolation. I thought I will just enjoy the day and wait for it to unfold little by little before me.

Now, whether this day be a successful day or something more horribly different. I know that there is a reason for it. I may not know exactly the reason why but it is how the universe telling me to take my time and hope for more.

Love the World Around You

Today, I was having a hard time trying to think of what to write about. Fortunately enough, I went to read what Davey has to say for today in his "Davey Wavey's Break the Illusion" and got the inspiration to write a similar post.

A common subject to all and interestingly enough, we have our own story to tell about "Love." Davey, in his blog spoke of the limitless ability and power of love and how it can adversely affect our understanding and perception of the world in which we are undeniably part of. And furthermore, love transforms people as seen in the comments of Davey's blog followers. This clearly supports the nature and essence of Love as a universal truth. Love is everywhere and the opportunity to love is limitless no matter "what" or "who" we love. We are beings of love. Love begins and ends in us. And what a great feeling it is to be loved by those people close to our heart.

Here are some of my fair share of love in this mundane and imperfect world of ours which I would like to share with you. I love to be with "myself," it gives me an understanding of the value for others. I love to read the obituaries, it gives me a sense of consolation for myself. I love mother nature, her ability to create and "undo" life. I love to give love even more even if it hurts even more.

Small Things are Big Things

As the day's end draws near for today. I can't stop thinking about what I've done and accomplished. And so it seems I did nothing it's a shame, nothing special and interesting for that matter. How I wish I did something more. But looking on the brighter side of things and how I manage this day. I'm certain I did something. And that is, I was able to survive and end the day just as I did in the everyday of my life. Giving me another chance for tomorrow to do something more. Something to look forward to. And that is something to be thankful about. Its about having faith and having hope.

Things are not what they seem to be in most cases. But one has to remember that no matter how small or insignificant things may seem, they serve a purpose. And now yet again, this is one of life's endless possibility.

A Little of Everything

Just to be on the optimistic side of everything I feel. I try to think that everyday is an "endless possibility." This, by the way is what I've learned from Davey. The very first blog I read and I was captivated by his beauty and even more with his wisdom and charisma. He taught me how to embrace life's double faced nature and contradictions. Life and death, joy and sorrow, peace and war and many more which life can throw back at you at any time.

Today may turn out for the good or the other way around. Which comes first I look forward to how it will end. And that there is a reason for everything.

Here is a quote from one of Davey's blog followers: "I love that no matter how bad your day, your experience, your situation, you can wake up the next day and see the world in a different way. I love that the world offers hope and opportunity. I love that the world is flawed and ancient. I love that the world spins and we don’t fall off. "

Justin on October 29, 2008 8:58 pm, http://www.breaktheilussion.com/

I would like to share my inspiration to you. Here is Davey's blog site http://www.breaktheillusion.com/ I hope you will be inspired by him and together lets make this world a better place.

On the Edge

Today's mood is like a bad dream. A dream which keeps on repeating itself every now and then. I want to break free like a caged animal but I can't. I have to live according to peoples expectation and norms. I can't stand this any more. I want to run but something is holding my feet on the ground. I want to do things I love doing but can't seem to take the first step. Something is holding me back. I want freedom!

I feel like I'm living on the edge. With limited resource and freedom to do what I dream of doing for myself. Now the only thing I can depend on is my "self" the only preccious resource I have. I can't afford to loose it. There's no turning back. The only consolation I have is to move on and keep on fighting. Resist all the negativity and keep on trying. And I must believe in myself.

Of Love and Folly

It has been years since I gave my heart to someone special. But just like any other relationship it was not perfect. The feeling of loving was the most lasting memories I have. It's a shame it did not last for long. And for this reason I made a promise to myself "I will never love again."

Not until now that I have found someone again. At first it was casual, meeting him on the net for chats and for friendship. Keeping in mind that I will not fall for anyone ever again. But ours seemed different, that he was sincere and loving, honest and trustworthy. But what the heck! everything on the net is superficial. Despite this negativity about the net We continued our chats and started sending sms after giving each others phone numbers. Then came the invitation for the first date. A perfect opportunity to meet him in person and getting to know him more. To be honest enough when I saw him it was not love at first sight. He was shy and I could tell in his eyes that he felt the same with me. But nonetheless, we enjoyed each others company during the first date.

Before I know it I have fallen in love again. I don't know how but I did. Our relationship was nothing different from the first time. I was hurting in love even more and I dont know why. And I guess I have to remember that promise I made before that "I will never love again." I thought I can control love but I learned the hard way. Lessons learned: Never make assumptions that you can unless your pretty much sure what your doing. And never play with love or suffer the consequences.

Day of the Dead

I am fully aware that this post is a bit late so to speak since the "Day of the Dead" is celebrated on the 1st and 2nd day of November. But as the saying goes "better late than never"... Celebrating the "Day of the Dead" far away from friends and family is something I haven't done before. But this doesn't stop me from observing the custom I was used to back home.

I decided to write this post today for the simple reason of coming to miss home, with all the preparations done for this peculiar day. It is a day of prayer, a day of offering flowers & treats, its a family day and more importantly, a day of remembrance, remembering the dearly departed ones who, in the fullness of their precious life has been part of who I am today. And this is what my post is all about the "Day of the Dead."

As I grow in years and looking back to those days. I can picture four significant people who are close to my heart and who has influenced me for the person I am now. My grandparents and my sweet little angel baby sister. I owe my life to them, that without them I wouldn't definitely be around. They taught me important lessons in life, that is to live life to the fullest, to dream for a better and healthier life, to look up to the future without forgetting the lessons of the past. And more importantly, I look up to them for strength and inspiration. They may not be around for me now, but I can surely feel their presence not only because its the "Day of the Dead" but because of the good and beautiful memories they have left behind. Death is not the final goodbye but rather a new frontier for a lasting and enduring relationship among the dearly departed and the living.

Im Back

Its been a long while, months to be precise since I got the chance to continue writing my blog. And I don't have any good excuse for it either except to be honest to myself by saying "I'm just lazy." This is just the one of the many moods that I get every now and then. And ovbiously as a consequence little is done, but then again, on a positive note this is a personal journey towards self understading and improvement. Although plenty of opportunities were missed to write about my personal journey; I know as long as Im still breathing many more will come. And this is one of the many lessons learned in through life. To keep on hoping and always mindful that there is always a ray of sunshine behind the dark and gloomy clouds ahead.